I surrender all

I surrender all

All to Thee my blessed Savior

I surrender all

While singing this is church one day I wondered can we really do this, or are we always willing to hold on to all and not allow the lord to take care of us?

Can we let go of our problems and surrender them to God? Is it human nature? Are we willing to surrender or hold on? Is it just a song we sing or just say out aloud or do we really mean it?

I won’t lie it took me a while to really be able to surrender all, its not my nature. I’m a planner by nature so I like to be in control but my parents ( all three) liked to say God is in control. When you are young you can’t see that. No I’m in control. Is it hard to trust easily? What do you think?

When I finally learned how to “let go and let God” it was liberating. Some persons tell me that they learned to do this early especially because they went through so many adversities. Is it only through adversity that you learn to surrender all? I figure that’s when you have to look at your life and make a choice. Try to fix it or hand it over to God.

I remember when my mother was sick and the doctors told me there was nothing else they could do I was so lost. I was at my desk at work and I remember saying “lord in your hands I surrender all.” The next day I got a call that I should take her to a special facility so they could look after her. I did just that. When she was near the end the doctors at the facility said she had to go to a hospice and there were no beds but I again said “lord in your hands I surrender all.” The following day I got the call to get an ambulance so that she can be moved, they found a bed. It was in a Catholic hospice at that. We are Roman Catholic and she would love that. My aunt and I moved her and made her as comfortable as possible. My aunt flew home to take care of her baby sister when I called her to say, “this is it.”

My mother had told her three children to find her friend who was a priest. Could we find him? One of my sisters worked with his sister and she said he was off the radar. Apparently he was off doing Vatican work. One day a friend that grew up down the road from us went to see my mom and left me a note. I picked up my mom’s bible to get to the “Daily Word”, so I could read to her and a note fell out. I called her as she requested. It was great to know that she still had such love for my mom. The following day she saw the priest and told him she had a lady he had to pray for and there was nothing he could say but yes as she was so persistent. He went and realized it was his friend and gave her last rites. He apparently had just got off a plane. My friend called to say she hoped I didn’t get upset as she had a priest read her the last rites and she told me his name. I was floored and let her know we had been searching for him. All I could say was thank you and thank the lord.

When I went to see my mom the following day she was at peace, yes she was dying but was at peace. She died three days after and my sisters and I missed her by five minutes. We held hands and went in to see her, it was so surreal while we said goodbye. The day before she died I went and sat with her and let her know I would take care of everything and it was ok to go. It was when I really understood how to let go and let God. That was nine years ago a few months after Alexis was born.

It’s the anniversary of her death, she died on the 3rd of December. I still miss her a lot but I know she is fine and so am I.

I had learnt to let go and let God.

See you next Wednesday, at 8:00 pm.

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