“Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be to be accepted. Belonging, on the other hand, doesn’t require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are.”
Brené Brown
The quote above says it better than I could. It’s tiring when trying to fit in as against just belonging. It’s the fitting in that’s the norm for so many of us as against just belonging. We see the crowd that looks like what we want to be and so we try everything we can to try making ourselves fit even if we are a square peg in a round hole. The thing is so many of us have walked into some kind of social gathering and feel that pressure of trying to fit in that is to be like everybody else. The question at the end of the day is what does it mean for us to fit in and is it worth the hassle?
Fitting in means that we mold ourselves into what we see as the norms, values, and expectations of a certain crowd and this happens to the detriment of our true self. Have you ever tried dressing a certain way or speaking a certain way in order to be considered a part of the group? That’s the kind of behavior I’m talking about. This pressure on yourself to be like the crowd can be tiring and very often leaves you unfulfilled. You will say but what about so and so how if it that they seem to fit in perfectly but me in the other hand, not so much. They have been able to pretend better and know how to wear the mask. You might notice that it will slip every now and again but they soldier on usually to the detriment of their own mental health. Does it really make sense and is it worth it?
On the other hand, it’s easier to just belong as the author of the quote said, but for some of us, that’s not who we think we should be. The crowd that we can easily belong to is sometimes not who we think we should be. I have been lucky to have truly belonged instead of trying to fit in. The need to wear a mask has never been a priority of mine. What about you? When you belong, you don’t have to contort yourself into some kind of pretzel. There is no need to stretch or shrink yourself to be a part of the crowd. You just show up as your authentic self and know you belong and will be accepted.
How do you stop trying to fit and just be comfortable and belong? The main thing is to know yourself and to accept yourself. Get to know who you are and aren’t.
Stop trying to get approval from others, especially those that don’t really care about you. Instead of trying to fit into the mold that they have created for you, focus on where you should be and where you know you will be accepted.
Be you and love you. You are unique and special. Accept the things that make you special.
Find and stick to your people. They are usually the ones that accept you for who you are. It’s easy to be with them, and there is no exhaustion because you are with the ones that appreciate you for who you are.
At the end of the day, you have to be you, and as said by the great Oscar Wilde, “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken”. What I have realized is that the more you are yourself, the persons that should be with you are the ones attracted to you. They are the ones that truly and really matter. Trying to fit into someone else’s life leaves you so often unfulfilled and tired. The best thing I have found is to be myself and be with the people that make me comfortable and don’t ask me to change so as to fit their narrative. They celebrate me as I celebrate myself. I guess when you don’t mind being alone and getting to know yourself, it makes it easier to belong. Because nobody should ask us to be anybody else but ourselves.
Let me know what you think; I really want to know, and I am sure others do too. Try commenting 👍🏽, but if you are not comfortable, reach out to me via any medium. I would love it if you would say something, anything, and tell someone. 🙏🏽 Your comments let me know how you feel and very often give me a totally different perspective on the topic. It could also spawn another blog. 😉. And you can never tell your comment might help others. Always remember life is for living, and you must always live your best life. #lifeisforliving #liveyourbestlife #gratefulforlife #faithgreaterthanfear
See you next Wednesday at 8:00 p.m., Bogotá time.

While I understand this perspective, which I feel stems from society’s use of the term, fitting in, I also see it differently. We all have a desire to fit in, somewhere:) ..where we feel comfortable being our authentic self. And when we find that place where we do feel comfortable, accepted, where we fit in, that allows us to experience a sense of belonging.
That place, the people in that place, where we fit in, where we belong, all share something in common, the thread that ties us all together.
Yes, there will be those who feel they need to change something about themselves/adapt to fit in. That stems from their own insecurity about themselves, and not knowing where they do fit in.
For some it’s not easy to know where to fit in. I guess that’s why they feel the need to change.